Monthly Archives: April 2019
Monthly Archives: April 2019
Diane Abbott, Shadow Home Secretary, has apologised for drinking a can of M&S Mojito on a train. “I didn’t have time to do a proper shop,” she explained. “Otherwise I would have made my own. The M&S can was refreshing but hardly Tom Cruise standard,” she laughed, referencing the movie, Cocktail starring Tom Cruise. “I […]Tell me more...!
Due to the rise in life expectancy, the burgeoning cost of looking after the aged and reckless government spending, new laws will see ‘death duty’ applied when you reach 67. It will no longer be called Inheritance Tax (IHT) but DDT (Double Death Tax) and it will come into effect next year to minimise the […]Tell me more...!
To rejuvenate public interest in politics and politicians, the Commission for Electoral Reform has proposed politicians battle it out with jokes and one-liners. A spokesperson for the Commission said: “The electoral system is in dire need of an overhaul. “The population is fed up with politicians’ inability to make decisions and do the job they […]Tell me more...!
Kim Kardashian, 38, is famous for being famous. Or rather for being a famous offspring of her famous father, Robert Kardashian, who became famous for defending O.J. Simpson who was also famous although for the wrong reasons. Or maybe she became famous simply for having a big bum. So, famous for being a famous celebrity, […]Tell me more...!
A Football Association panel found Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey, 32, not guilty of making a Nazi salute. Hennessey claimed he did not know what a Nazi salute was. The panel believed him and said it was the only “plausible explanation”. Billy Scran, 29, Centre Half with Antsy Northern Athletic, a team wallowing in the […]Tell me more...!
Denis Dobby, 37, from Hull, failed to convince an industrial tribunal that he had been unfairly dismissed. Mr Dobby had been employed as a supplies assistant at his local government office for five years. However, due to incompetent supervision and inadequate checks, he often didn’t turn up for work and, according to the tribunal, he […]Tell me more...!
Parliament has been unable to agree on anything from Brexit to pizza toppings, so the government is to outsource all future decision-making – to the EU. The motion to outsource was agreed by a majority only exceeded by the vote to increase MP’s salaries. A ministerial spokesperson said: “It makes perfect sense. The EU Brexit […]Tell me more...!
As the UK is still part of the EU, we have to implement a new EU set of food preparation and labelling standards to bring us into line with other EU countries. Food labelling will have to accurately reflect the content. The name “fish fingers” has been prohibited for being both misleading and anatomically impossible. […]Tell me more...!