Narcissus updates Faccebook relationship status to “Me”. Zuckerberg updates his status to “God”

In a bid to tackle herd mentality, Facebook bans mental patients with hearing difficulties

Government passes Deferred Gratification bill. It comes into effect in 2050

“Salsa is supposed to keep you fit,” said Roscoe Arbuckle. “But I ate 5 bottles a day and I haven’t lost an ounce!”

Birmingham bin workers strike over ‘poor equipment’ claims. A council spokesman said: “That’s absolute rubbish!”

James Pattison to stop collaborating with co-authors. His next solo book is due out in2035

A vandal broke into the Tate Gallery and made up Tracy Emin’s “My Bed”. Police are looking for a criminal who’s had a good night’s sleep

Government crackdown on unregistered protests has lead to an increase in unregistered protests

Catalytic converters stolen for precious metals. Police search for culprits was exhautive… But plans to prosecute dealers receiving the metal have been scrapped

Donald Trump urges Europe to repatriate IS fighters – and shoot them!

Movie business to make a movie about the business of making a movie in the movie business

Hotel California – guests check out and leave! One said: “The pink champagne was a nice surprise and the band was good but the guitar solo did go on a bit…”

How to spot a fashion rip-off – the original garment costs ten times what it’s worth!

Remake of Hitchcock’s The Birds being backed by vulture capitalists

Prolific Facebook “Liker” Simon Miles ordered to stop Liking everything – he doesn’t Like it.

Turner Old Master found in rubble: Ex-teacher Brian Turner doing well after his ordeal

Cost of burials and cremations has risen sharply – Ofcom accuses funeral directors of taking dead people for a ride

You CAN die laughing – although not at a Michael McIntye show

Thieves broke into Battersea Dogs Home. No animals were taken but police are looking for leads. A spokesman for Battersea said: “They’re barking up the wrong tree.”

Archive

Monthly Archives: April 2019

20, April 2019

Electoral Commission proposes “Joke Off” as a way to decide elections

To rejuvenate public interest in politics and politicians, the Commission for Electoral Reform has proposed politicians battle it out with jokes and one-liners. A spokesperson for the Commission said: “The electoral system is in dire need of an overhaul. “The population is fed up with politicians’ inability to make decisions and do the job they […]

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