Monthly Archives: March 2019
Monthly Archives: March 2019
Tory MP, Dominic Grieve, has complained about losing a no-confidence vote after obstructing policies he promised to push through if he was elected. One disgruntled party member, Mrs Gertrude Withers, 82, said: “In order to gets my support he clearly promised to stop teenagers throwing bird seed into my vegetable patch. It’s been ravaged. There’s […]Tell me more...!
The need for a book rating system was prompted by complaints that business books were dry, boring and uninteresting. A spokesperson for the Department for Education said: “We want previously dry and boring business books to be as interesting as a Dan Brown thriller. Well, a thriller at any rate.” A team of literary experts […]Tell me more...!
The EU has voted to scrap DST (Daylight Saving Time) with much opposition from the UK. Juncker is worried that if the UK remains in the EU we will force Europpe to keep DST thereby foiling his plans for Europe-wide domination. “Ve cannot haf a united Europe if ve are not all zinging vrom ze […]Tell me more...!
In response to intense lobbying by anti-gaming campaigners, the major sports betting companies have agreed to ban betting adverts during live sports broadcasting events. Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, Jeremy Wright MP, said: “It is vital children and vulnerable people are protected from the threat of gambling-related harm.” The ban doesn’t […]Tell me more...!
EU president and head honcho, Jean-Claude Juncker plans to use EU armies to invade the UK, a leaked recording reveals. In an undercover operation intended to get the low-down on Juncker’s “cash for Belgium chocolates” scam, the reporters accidentally recorded a telephone conversation between Junker and an unidentified person but who is believed to be […]Tell me more...!
Celebrities, TV personalities, soap performers, other non-entities and many politicians – apart from Donald Trump, Theresa May, and Jeremy Corbyn – are falling over themselves to make public apologies. Following outcries and shaming by the “We will be outraged for you” vociferous minority group, celebrities and others in the public eye are in fear for […]Tell me more...!
John Murphy, 31, was jailed for seven-and-a-half years for throwing an egg at Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn. Chief Magistrate and government supporter, Emma Arbuthnot who is married to a top Tory Lord, stroked her wig and said: “Hanging’s too good for you but it’s currently banned by law so I’m locking you up for as […]Tell me more...!
An ex-life coach has been offering wealthy families a seat in the Senate for their children in return for money. His closing argument was “How do you think Donald Trump got the job?” which sealed the deal for most people. In a far-reaching FBI investigation, evidence is beginning to emerge that a vast number of […]Tell me more...!